After finding out I was pregnant with my second child. I knew I wanted a change. Running a business and having a busy toddler was hard enough, the thought of doing it all with another one made my heart hurt. I wanted so badly to give myself a sabbatical, a long extended period of time to do nothing but be with my babies while they are so little.  To just bask in the moment without any external pressures, sounded pretty great. At the time it really felt impossible and a flood of emotions and questions would fill my mind like “how would the bills be paid”, “will I get bored”, “Am I really just going to shut down everything I worked so hard for these past 10 years?”  

And ya sure maybe the problem was actually the TYPE of business I was running, and what I was selling. I was a publisher of a magazine franchise where I sold print and digital advertising. And while it gave me great flexibility with my time, it was very volatile and required me to be in many sales meetings every week. At the time I was the sole provider for our family, allowing my husband to focus on growing our assets, specifically in real estate. And that plan worked well for over a decade! I was focused on growing my business income, and he focused on flipping homes and reinvesting the profit. But the plan for me started to not feel so great as the reality of “trying to do it all” really began to affect my ability to show up well for my family.

The problem was that I had spent 10 years in that business, and I didn’t realize how much of my identity and ego was wrapped up in it. My colleagues at work kept trying to get me to “reframe” the situation, and find a way to create that lifestyle that I loved again. I heard the message countless times that ‘mom-guilt’ is just part of the experience when you’re a working mother. That didn’t sit well with me though. The feeling of guilt is an indication that there is a behavior in your life that needs to be addressed and looked at. And so I took a hard look at the lifestyle we had created, and instead of just brushing those feelings under the rug, or saying “its normal, learn to compartmentalize”, and all the other well intended advise people tend to give to working mom’s, I decided I was going to pray on what was the next right move for our family.

And here is the thing, just because something is “good” does not mean it’s RIGHT for you right now. And that is what I knew deep down inside. I longed for a pause. A break in my working life to allow me to focus on my kids and rediscover ME. And because my hearts prayer was “God give me the desires of my heart, that I may be in alignment with YOUR will for me” I knew that these new desires of hitting the breaks on my business and taking a long pause were from God.

The other thing I realized is that sometimes working hard for so long, you forget to spend time with who you are becoming. The woman you are right now, won’t be the same next year. And also, like, do you actually LIKE who you’re becoming? Can you just sit with who you are right now, as a mother? Doing NOTHING can be such a powerful reset for the next chapter of life. Not to mention being fully present for your kids! 

So I made the jump. I left my business. Left not knowing exactly WHAT my next step would be. Left while we were still waiting for a house we had built to sell. Left while my husband had zero remodeling jobs lined up. And I knew it was okay, because sometimes the next most powerful step IS to PAUSE, for an indefinite amount of time. I think I’ll know when it’s time to hit play again. But in the mean time, writing here on the blog is so therapeutic for me! Let me know in the comments below what you think? Do you think a pause every now and then is needed?