Balancing Personal Ambition and Motherhood as a Stay At Home Mom to Kids Under 3 Years Old

Before I had my first kid, I envisioned crushing it at running my business while simultaneously holding my son, playing with him, teaching him, all while running the best household ever. I really thought it would be a breeze. And looking back, with just one kid, it actually was pretty doable. But when my cutie patootie number two came, she totally rocked my perception of parenting. Before I had my second, I was going through a bit of a re-alignment of sorts, where I was questioning my old desires in life, and finding myself dreaming of new things – like not running a business at all, having a small garden, chickens. Baby number two made me realize that I had swallowed our culture’s narcissistic pill, and motherhood was showing me that maybe it shouldn’t be all about me anymore.

It also made me realize that balancing my personal ambition with the demands of motherhood is something that needs to be checked daily! While pursuing personal goals brings me fulfillment, it has become really important to recognize how unchecked, huge ambitions can impact the way I treat my kids and my husband. I don’t want my kids to feel any type of negative undercurrent of emotions/feelings that I may have towards them because of my unmet ambitions outside the home.

And this my friends is why I am writing, our kids deserve to feel wanted, cherished, and loved. It’s up to us to dig deep and see if there is anything in the way of lettings us express that to them. We owe that to them so that they can feel positive about themselves.

The Impact of Unchecked Ambition

So please hear me, I am not saying that striving for personal success is wrong, it’s really commendable, and actually really important for you and your family.  However, when ambition overshadows family responsibilities, specifically being able to show up well for your kids, it can create some emotional distance within your family, and worse – negative impacts to your kids mental well being and ultimately long term success.

If while pursuing your business/career/goals you experience “mom guilt”, stop repressing it! Instead, view it as a signal that something is off and not in alignment with your values. 

I found this article to be interesting – a mom returning to a traditional 9-to-5 job shared her experience of feeling disconnected from her young son, who became more attached to his nanny. This change led to significant “mom guilt” and highlighted the delicate balance between career aspirations and nurturing family bonds. (businessinsider.com) THIS right here is why so many moms intentionally choose to stay at home with their kids at least during the first three years. Sacrificing BIG 6 figure jobs just like I did. Don’t let someone shame you into making that decision, or for making you feel like you are somehow “settling”. 

Embracing the Fleeting Nature of Early Parenthood

The early years of our kids’ lives are both demanding and oh so temporary! They grow so fast, and as the saying goes, “the days are long but the years are fast”. I think that’s why recognizing this can help parents adjust their ambitions and also their goals accordingly. Like Erica Komisar, leading early childhood expert says, “You can do everything in life, you just can’t do it all at the same time”.  She goes on to say that there are too many negative impacts on the kids who are in day care the first three years of life. I’d encourage you to watch this phenomenal interview with Erica, who is a self described feminist tackling the topic of daycare in the early years: https://youtu.be/N2ATV-8uWiY

I made my decision to stay home with my kids before I watched or read her work, so watching Erica Komisar’s interviews with various podcasters has really validated much of what I was already instinctively feeling. 

SO if you are struggling to balance your deep desires for MORE in life, AND being there for your kids, I hope a simple reminder is enough to encourage you – you WILL have plenty of time to pursue those things. 

Strategies for Harmonizing Ambition and Motherhood

  1. Set Value-Led Goals: Align your personal goals with that of your core family values to ensure that your pursuits enhance rather than detract from family life. This approach fosters a sense of purpose and cohesion to your personal ambitions.
  2. Redeem Your Time: Be intentional about fully engaging with your family during designated times. This means eliminating distractions and being present during the times you’ve set up for engaging with your kids. Try blocking out time in your calendar for all other work related activities.
  3. Remind Yourself Often: I love listening to podcasts like the one I shared above, with leading experts like Erica Komisar, because it reminds me that the investment I am making into my kids’ lives the first three years by staying home, will pay off in the form of healthy, successful adults in the future. So remind yourself weekly, maybe even daily of what your family values are, and why you made the decision you did to stay home.
  4. Embrace Flexibility: Understand that both personal and family needs evolve. Being adaptable allows for adjustments in ambitions and expectations, reducing stress and fostering a more harmonious household. I am now committed to simply enjoying my days with my kids, while still structuring my day in a way that allows me to write and do research for the blog. 

SUMMARY 

While personal ambitions are important for individual fulfillment, it’s crucial to balance them with the responsibilities and nurturing state of mind often needed in motherhood. By setting family value-led goals, being present with your kids when you are with them, and embracing flexibility, you can totally navigate this precious time in your life with little ones. It’s not forever. You WILL have time for all your ambitions, and you can still pursue some of those things now with a great schedule. 

I’d love to hear from other moms how they are balancing their ambition and motherhood? What has been working for you? Or, what sends you spiraling into a negative state of mind or thinking that you aren’t doing enough? Drop a comment below!

So last year was my first FULL year as a Stay at Home Mom (SAHM)
byu/homeremediesok inMotherhoodMedley