Should You Co-Sleep?

When in the history of civilization did parents stop letting their kids sleep in the same room/bed as them? And when did the term “sleep training” become a thing? Leaving your baby crying for what seems like eternity while you just sit outside their door dying inside. When I had my first child, it just felt so wrong, and against every natural instinct inside of me. That led me to research co-sleeping, and begged the question, is co-sleeping safe? My gut told me that yes, you could safely co-sleep.

Luckily, I found out that I am not the only one who felt like all this talk of raising independent sleepers, and letting the child “cry it out” could be complete nonsense. 

So I wondered, has it always been this way? When did society decide that babies should be sleeping in their own rooms, and learning how to “self soothe”. 

So many moms I talk to, instinctually feel that they need to let their kids sleep in the same bed or at least have the crib in the same room for at least the first year. And if your toddler needs you in order to fall asleep at night, no big deal. Or if you toddler ends up in your bed in the middle of the night, why should that be a problem?

Common sense, natural instincts, and now science, tells us babies and toddlers nervous systems rely on parents to help self regulate. Especially right before bed as they are falling asleep, and at night as the subconscious mind is still at work. They need to be able to hear us breath, and feel us near them. Check out this article for more on that specific topic. 

Here’s the deal, I don’t have the answers. Researchers on the topic of co-sleeping found that because of the variation of sleep habits, cultures, and other factors, they can’t just give a blanket recommendation. From a public health standpoint, researchers have to be mindful of the people who are not going to practice safe sleeping practices and use common sense. They have to take into account the number of parents that drink and do drugs, which if you’re doing that regularly you probably shouldn’t have your babies in the same bed, that obviously wouldn’t be very safe. 

I’ll continue researching the history of co-sleeping and looking for relevant information, but I wanted to at least share this here because back when I had my first child, I couldn’t find anything online that told me to listen to my motherly instincts and explore safe co-sleeping as a totally OKAY option. Maybe that means placing the baby in a baby-lounger next to you, or having your little one’s crib in the same room as yours for the first few years. Heck, maybe your baby is a pro-sleeper, but occasionally crawls into your bed at night. My point is, there is absolutely nothing wrong with your little one wanting to be with you.

While not directly speaking on co-sleeping alone, one great interview I found on the Lila Rose Podcast is with Erica Komisar, a psychoanalyst and parent coach. The interview dives deep into “being there” for your children, and while it’s somewhat controversial, especially when she begins to talk about the ideal situation for working moms, it’s worth a listen. Keep in mind, Erica is asked to talk about what the “IDEAL” scenario would be when it comes to mothers and their babies, and working mom’s. Listen for yourself and let me know what you think in the comments below!

So overall, whether you choose to co-sleep or not. My main point to consider here is that you shouldn’t write off your motherly instincts. Don’t believe that rigid sleep training is the only option. Maybe having our babies in close proximity to us the first few years, IS in fact, the way it should be. I’m super curious to see what you think!